this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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