dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
