A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
