I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's never too late to be topless.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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