So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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