Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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