We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
