happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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