To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
