I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had