If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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