I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
