How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
