her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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