Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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