hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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