I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
