I just made out with a guy for $7.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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