I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
