I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
