hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
