she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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