i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
