and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
