the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
bring money and cleavage
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
