Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
