I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
