we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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