So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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