He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
