I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
