If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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