dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
