Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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