I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
