The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
my liver is dry heaving
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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