If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
