I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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