There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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