Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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