I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
