you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
