debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize