I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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