The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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