I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
