people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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