I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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