Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
