youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
