...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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