She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ok first of all what the fuck
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
