You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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