as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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