theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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