we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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