That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
