On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
