Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
