i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im so drunk with asians
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs