He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.