dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
