i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
