You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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