imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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